Your monthly rundown on the latest and greatest footwear-for-fellas by resident fetishist Mr. “Burke Andrews,” Esq.
For today’s man, especially one with a bit of Scottish blood coursing through his veins, the lure of the man-dress is undeniable. And for those of us who have experienced the freedom, flexibility, and raw sexual power of the kilt firsthand… well, ’nuff said.
But for those who haven’t yet crossed over, I know you’re secretly wondering, What is that like? Could I pull that off? Would I be more of a man, or less? As your certified masculinity expert, I’m here to assure you there is nothing more manly than donning a kilt. In fact, I would submit that it’s the ultimate expression of maleness. So if you’ve ever thought of wrapping those slim hips in your very own dress, fellow macho man, there’s no time like the present.
(And, by the way, if you’re interested in moving beyond the traditional wool/tartan vibe, check out Utilikilts at utilikilts.com — great site, great product and great mock-u-mercials.)
So, what does all this have to do with men’s shoes?
The reason I bring up the kilt thing is that while kilt-wearers will happily tell you how great their kiwis feel set loose under the drapery, they won’t tell you what to wear on your feet when you’re flaunting your manly self. That, apparently, is up to you. So, with kilt season upon us, I thought I’d offer a little guidance on picking the right footwear to accompany your latest fashion statement.
I recently started my own quest for a new pair of kicks to go with my Original Utilikilt. As you know from a previous column, I’m partial to boots, and that still applies (maybe even more) when I’m looking for a kickass komplement for the kilt. After hours of online browsing, I selected three options — two Timberland models (the Urban and the Earthkeepers) from Zappos and a pair of genuine Australian Blundstones (the 490 in black) that I picked up from Amazon. I got everything in two sizes — just to make perfectly sure — and had them all delivered to the house, where my bonnie, long-suffering wife tolerated the pile of boxes for two obsessive weeks of try-ons and photos.
God bless her.
But this time, rather than telling you what I finally picked, how about you tell me what you like? For your reference, I’ve included a photo of the boots, as well as some photos of a strong-legged, handsomer-than-average model. The differences among the footwear selections are subtle, but as any good shoe-hound knows, God himself is in the details. Once you’ve had a chance to check out the options, send me a note at shoes@duncanchannon.com, and let me know what you think works best. I’ll let you know my choice in the next column.
In the meantime, Godspeed and good shoe-hunting (and skirt-chasing).
– Burke Andrews
Spring is sprung — but please, people, get something on those knobby toes other than flip-flops.
In my professional, shoe-columnist opinion, those dime-store flip-flops are just about the most hideous “shoes” on earth. OK, maybe they’ll pass on some hot girl-feet. But for the rest of us — let’s go ahead and keep our wonky footsies the hell out of ‘em. Who are we kidding anyway? Flip-flops aren’t shoes. They’re like something that got stuck to the bottom of your feet — matzoh bread maybe.
Get some real sandals.
Ahhh, real sandals. True freedom, tangible proof that summer is here. Real sandals cradle your feet, keep them cool and looking cool. They’re comfortable and refreshing, just like a sea breeze — not the wind, the drink. Vodka, grapefruit juice and a splash of cranberry over lots of ice. Did I mention lots of vodka? Delicious.
In my world, there are two kinds of sandals. Passive and active. And as such, there are only two brands – Birkenstock (of course) and Keen. When you are hanging around, lazing away a summer day, or strolling from the couch to the fridge for a refill, there is nothing more comfortable, more supportive and more wonderful than a pair of broken-in Birks. Right now I’m in the process of breaking in (it’s been a year-and-a-half) a beautiful pair of taupe suede Zurichs. They are, of course, crazy looking, but I love ‘em. They have a vaguely gladiator-ish cut, and they fit my feet like a glove. A soft, lambskin glove.
Active sandals have a whole different mission in life. Their job is to hug your feet tightly, so you can sprint down the beach to catch that Frisbee without stubbing your toe on a hidden rock. Active sandals make you sure-footed enough to leap tall buildings in a single bound and wade into shark infested waters for some baby-rescuing. And they’re nothing if not rugged. I have had the same pair of Keen Newports for the last 6 years — before anyone ever heard of Keen.
I am an early sandal adopter.
Before the Keens, I retired (that’s right, I still hold on to them, out of respect) a 15-year-old pair of original Tevas. Oh, they were awesome. Best sandal I ever had.
But the Keen sandal has now become part of who I am. In fact, in more ways than I care to acknowledge, those duck-feet-looking dirty brown sandals define me. And it’s going to be a tough decision — whether to be buried in the Keens or my trusted old Birks.
Anyway, Keen now makes all kinds of great shoes and sandals, and the nylon-strap variety is next on my to-wear list. For one thing, they dry way faster than the faux-leather ones I have. But I do sometimes wish that, like jeans, you could get them pre-broken-in. Nothing dorkier than a brand, spanking new pair of sandals sitting at the end of my pale legs.
Till next time — remember, shoes make the man.
– Burke Andrews
When it comes to shoes for work, I actually prefer boots. Slip-on boots. Maybe it’s that they take no effort putting on, and maybe it’s that they’re, I dunno, slightly bad-ass. Maybe it’s that they help me stay connected to my weekend self – the guy with the tool belt who fixes stuff. Or maybe it’s because, for a guy with a 31-inch inseam, they make my legs – and, by implication, my unit – look longer. Whatever the reason, I love me some slip-on boots.
Unfortunately, there just aren’t a lot of great looking boots out there. So I’m constantly on the lookout. I look online. I accost people on the street, “What kind of boots are those?” I peer into shop windows and try things on whenever I get the chance. But my favorite mode of boot-exploration is to order eight or ten pairs from Zappos – the most excellent shoe store on earth. Of course, I almost always send them all back. Some are too long, some too narrow. Some have high heels, and some just look plain stupid. Like I said, there really aren’t many great shoes out there.
But every once in a while I hit the jackpot. Recently, during one of my routine drive-bys of Zappos, I checked out the latest Clarks, a usual suspect for me. What’s this?! New slip-on boots?! No way! I promptly ordered six pairs – two models in two sizes and two different colors. When they arrived, I was ecstatic. Two very distinct styles, each with its own singular strengths. I kept a pair of each – unheard of.
Here’s what I bought:
One pair of black Clarks Parthenon.
These are slightly on the dressy side, especially for Clarks, with a high-gloss leather and a slightly tapered, yet boxed, toe. They remind me of a pair of sweet Rockports I had a long time ago. They have a soft, comfortable insole and are easy to slip on, thanks to the two elastic panels at the ankles. But they fit snugly once they’re on. I wear these mostly for evening events or fancier daytime needs – like new business pitches. They have a hint of “pointyness” and that generally means an after-hours shoe for me.
One pair of black Clarks Rider.
I wasn’t sure about these at first. They are broad and round at the toe, and the leather is a dull, almost oiled finish. The sole is thinner than the Parthenon and much more rugged looking, and way rougher around the edges. Interestingly – like the Parthenon – the shoe is built of two main pieces of leather and has a double-stitch seam right up the center, from toe to shin. This must be the new thing, I thought to myself. And while I wasn’t sure I liked it at first, now I’m really digging it. It’s like a racing stripe. These boots are way more of an everyday deal for me — in fact, I’m now wearing them 3-4 days a week. They are simple, rugged, comfortable, and I, for one, think they look cool. What more could you want in a shoe?
– Burke Andrews
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